New Season.... New Beginnings....

A New Season, New Beginnings, Another Beautiful spring is upon us. With the help of my neighbor, Valeria, I planted a garden this past weekend.  This will be my third consecutive spring garden. Funny how I had no interest in gardening when Gaye was alive. She was never successful in motivating me to assist her in planting flowers around our beautiful home.  These days, in the LGW, (Less Gaye World), I get excited and hopeful about the possibilities of what I can plant and nurture. I guess, there is something to be said about the therapeutic value of toiling in soil and attempting to create beauty, color and growth out of nothingness and dirt. That in itself provides me with a much needed dose of Hopefulness.

I laugh at myself and find myself amazed at how excited I get when it comes to creating a garden. Never in a million worlds, would I have bet I would have become a passionate, albeit extremely clueless lover of soil, plants and landscaping and the beauty it can create.

Love and Beauty are things that ooh so many people take for granted.

It can be found in the simplest of Places, People, Things and Pleasures.  

Before Gaye, I never did see the amount of Love and Beauty

we have in this world.

With this wonderful and beautiful spring season upon me,

I am so thankful for what Gaye has taught me.

She has taught me to how to love...

She has taught me how to dream...

She has taught me how to trust in the lord and have faith.

In absentia, Gaye has also taught to me how to embrace the
fragile beauty of life. 

An Education that came at infinite cost.

 

 

 

(I just wish she would have taught me how to live without her)

Deacon Protecting the yard from an interested Deer.

The Weight of Grief

A very close friend has been visiting me recently. I call Grief a friend, for as much as I Yell -Fight -Scream, Grief is always willing to be at my side through good times and bad. (Lucky Me)  Being the glutton for Punishment, I decided to watch the movie "Rabbit Hole" last night. For those not aware, it is the story of a young couple who loses their child.  Rabbit Hole was an extremely successful Broadway play and with me and my close friend finding nothing to do, wallowing with others in their sadness seemed like a rational albeit morose act with my buddy.

A particular scene describing Grief leaped off the screen and totally hit home on the Grief process....

Becca: Does it ever go away?
Nat: No, I don't think it does. Not for me, it hasn't, and that's goin' on eleven years. It changes, though.
Becca: How?
Nat: I don't know... the weight of it, I guess. At some point, it becomes bearable. It turns into something that you can crawl out from under and... carry around like a brick in your pocket. And you... you even forget it, for a while. But then you reach in for whatever reason and - there it is. Oh right, that. Which could be awful - But not all the time. It's kinda... not that you like it exactly, but it's what you have instead of your son, so you don't wanna let go of it either. So you carry it around. And it doesn't go away, which is...
Becca: What.
Nat: Fine... actually.

Grief is my link to Gaye. I don't want to let go, so I carry it around with me...... and you know what, that actually is fine.

The true value of Friendship reminds us how lucky we are to share the experiences we've encountered.

I thank God everyday for the love of Gaye.

Yep.... I will take Grief as a friend every time...

to remind me....

Our last Vacation together ,
Costa Rica
(Love our matching Haircuts)