A Couple Unwelcomed friends appeared

I was beginning to do better,

I thought I was doing better,

But a few days ago the holidays just hit me.

- Widow talking about her first Christmas alone.

This will by my fourth Christmas without Gaye.

(Hard to fathom it has been that many)

Memories are always there to hook us,

to make the grief fresh again.

This past Sunday, I ventured out to get a Christmas tree.

As I was on the lot looking over the trees,

an ole memory invaded my mind.

 Of the time, Gaye and I went searching for a tree

with Deacon at our side.

With that memory fresh, along with the

hordes of families on the lot

enjoying this Christmas tradition,

My old friends, The Great Sadness, Grief and Loss

 simply enveloped and overwhelmed me.

My knees buckled and I had to remind myself to breathe.

An attendant actually came up to see if I needed help.

I know this will be a hard season for me.

I will have to take it one day at a time.

I will do my best to acknowledge when grief hovers close.

And I will even try to be open when joy may surprise me, too.

Fortunate are those whose Faith remains strong
in the face of loss. I like to think I mourn freely
and without recrimination from myself or others. 
I have learned that to be Human is to
feel the pain of loss. There are no shortcuts.
Only one way through.

As this Holiday Season surrounds me,
I will deal honestly with my Sadness, Pain and Loss;
We know each other very well.


Nope, I didn't get a tree. (Yet)