Shadows and Sunlight

Photo of Castelo de Meleto Church, Chianti, Italy
From our Honeymoon

Each Substance of Grief hath twenty Shadows.

- William Shakespeare

They are everywhere....

The reminders of loss.

They ricochet off one another,
fill the empty spaces of my life.

I was at the airport the other day and happened to fixate on

a tall slender woman with
exquisite high cheek bones and flawless complexion.

I could not take my eyes off this other girl last week that had

Striking, Long, Raven Black hair.

I was watching TV this weekend and came across an actress with a

nose so similar it mesmerized me.

I had a dream last night that her hand held mine....

Each reminder is a shadow,
an anvil of loss, sadness and longing...

A distant memory that is beyond my touch.

God, I infinitely miss her
 Companionship and Conversation.

But these Reminders are also Sunlight -

Wonderful, Life Giving Sunlight.

A Reminder of what a Gift and Blessing I had. 

A Reminder of a Love without end.

I believe my Salvation will be discovered in this Sunlight.

I guess you can't have one without the other.

There would be no shadow without sunlight behind it!

With that fact, I'll accept both....
and pray the Sunlight beams through....

Nothing gold can stay

Nature's first green is gold,

Her hardest hue to hold.

Her early leaf's a flower;

But only so an hour.

Then leaf subsides to leaf.

So Eden sank to grief,

So dawn goes down to day.

Nothing gold can stay.

 

- Robert Frost

A Blessing

My journey of grief has hit a valley the last couple days.

With the passing of Gaye's mother, the flood of emotions,

sadness, mourning and emptiness has hit with Gail force winds

upon my rickety, small boat of Hope, Faith and Love.

A new friend provided me with the below words of encouragement:

Today-let's both acknowledge a couple of the most 
important blessings that we are grateful for.
Let's focus on those thoughts and make it a sunny day!

With that, I pulled a letter Gaye gave me this month, 6 years ago.

Dearest Tripp,
November 10, 2001 - was the happiest day of my life - up until that point in my life - because I met you (roast beef and all), and my whole world changed for the better! You were such an unexpected and wonderful gift! Every day with you has been a blessing!

November 24,2003 - was the happiest day of my life - up until that point in my life - because you held my hand as we walked along a small street in Prague (Store front to be forgotten thank you), and you asked me to "make it official" - to marry you. I remember the look on your face, the beat of my heart - I remember the unbelievable happiness I felt.

May 15, 2004 - was the happiest day of my life - up until that point in my life - because you said  "I do" and became my husband. I never knew I could feel such joy, love and hope.

Really, there are so many happy days in my life now because  you are in my life now.- you are part of my heart. I am grateful for every moment I have with you - that I can share my life and my love with you!

Never forget how happy you make me- never forget how much I love you in all times - and never forget how proud I am to be your wife!!!! 

All my Love, Gaye

I am so grateful and blessed for what God has given me. I need to
acknowledge I was given the greatest gift of all - Gaye's Love.
(As I write this, the sun has poked through for the first time on a very dreary and ugly day)

I cherish that blessed Love.

Thank you JM for reminding me of my tremendous blessings and how lucky I am!

Gaye and I in Costa Rica. Our last trip togther.

A less Vibrant World today.....

My Wife of 57 years was buried today beside our son,

who died in 1941 as a result if a truck accident when

he was hitchhiking to take a job. She has longed for him

all these years and know she is with him.

I know they are embraced in happiness.

- Terry Kay

Gaye's mother passed away this morning.

Rosalie Gwinn was such a special lady.

Another tragic and mournful loss of a beautiful life....
Of a Life that has helped so many people.

 Faith and Understanding being put to the test once again.....

Elisabeth Kubler-Ross who has done much

work on Death and Dying and for which I have read

many of her books,

says without a doubt,

- None of Us Die Alone -

Our loved ones come to greet us,

to welcome us to the other side.

I remember when Gaye died, thinking how much

my father and sister, who died many years ago,

would have loved and embraced Gaye getting to know her.
To offset my longing, I hope they have.

I pray for peace and acceptance today
of a hopeful knowledge
that Gaye and Rosalie are re-united and the bonds
of mother and child have been re-connected.
Please let it be so....

My heart so heavy,

I almost want to be with them.

No, don't worry, I am in no particular hurry.

 I take the naive risk of believing in hope and seeing
where it leads me.
(I guess I can blame Gaye for this Naivety of Hope)

Someday.... I think, when I am feeling confident in my

Faith and God and recalling all the loved ones I have lost....

The thought of rejoining the loves of my "Life"
is a thought I truly cherish.

No rejoicing now though...

Just the simple, cold, hard fact of another vibrant and loving
life taken by cancer.

F@#k You Cancer

I think that says it all.....

Get Busy Living.... (Movie Mysticism)

I have to remind myself that some birds

are never meant to be caged.

Their feathers are just too bright,

and when they fly away,

the part of you, that knows

it was a sin to lock them up,

does Rejoice!

But still,
the place you live in,
is that much more drab and empty that they are gone.

I guess I just miss my friend....

- Red,

The Shawshank Redemption

Remember Red,

Hope is a good thing,

maybe the the best of things,

and know a good thing never dies.

-Andy Dufresne

The Shawshank Redemption

I understand know more than ever why Gaye and I 

loved that movie so much.

I hope that God has let Gaye's wings finally soar

I hope.......

On a side note:

Happy Birthday GLS Jr.!

I like to believe you and G are having one heck of a time together.