True Companion

Deacon, Clancy and Sunny at the Lake house

I asked for strength that I might rear him perfectly ;

I was given weakness that I might feed him more treats.

I asked for a low maintenance dog
that I might rest easy;

I was given a "special needs" dog
that I might know nurturing.

I asked for compliance that I might feel masterful;

I was given a clown that I might laugh.

I asked for a companion that I might not feel lonely;

I was given a best friend that I would feel loved.

I got nothing I asked for,

But everything that I needed.

On Deacon's, 2nd Birthday, I created a coffee table book of Deacon photos for Gaye. The above poem was attached to the last page. I cannot contemplate where I would be be without the uncompromising love and true companionship of Deacon over the last two years. I owe Deacon my life, my love, my soul as I move forward in this less Gaye world. I thank God everyday for the Gift Gaye picked out for me.

As her friends and Family knew, Deacon was Gaye's baby - I see her love, I feel her warmth, I sense Gaye's spirit, in my loving dog's embrace. Deacon's love sustains me. Gaye would have been so proud of our Green Eyed Canine - realizing the full potential of this now adult Vizsla and witnessing how many people he has helped being a Certified Pet Therapy Dog at local Hospitals.

Suffice to say, Deacon has brought smiles to

hundreds of patients over the last couple years.

Add to that list, one life saved.....

Happy 5th Birthday Deacon,
My True Companion.

Gaye Loving on Deacon

The Healing powers of Nature and Faith........



View of from my backyard at Yellowstone during Labor Day 2010
Appropriately named Lone Peak

"The light died in the low clouds. Falling snow drank in

the dusk. Shrouded in silence, the branches wrapped me

in their peace. When the boundaries were erased,

once again the wonder:

that I exist.

-Dag Hammerskjold

Can it be in the wake of great sorrow,

when we become attuned and sensitized to all experiences,

and the mysteries at the edges of life,
we are more able than at other times to feel a kind
of unifying pulse with all that is?

Soaking in the beautiful landscape around
Yellowstone and Big Sky this past Labor Day,
I remember there being an almost tangible connection
between me and the mountain peaks and the
stars above that shone in the night sky.

This new found tenderness toward creation and nature
is a gift that came at a very high price.

Perhaps this is a new kind of expanded consciousness evoked
by me reaching out into the universe for what I have lost:

Where are you?
Do you feel me?
Do you see me standing here, thinking of you?
I love you, I know you know that!
I miss you so much!

On and on it goes, this make believe
mournful conversation with Gaye.
And yet, in the unity of life and all that is,
I get a sensation deep within my soul to  have
Faith and Trust....

who knows who is speaking
and who is listening?

I thank God for this sensation and the healing powers of Nature.
It greatly comforts me....

Our Destination on the first Hike

Crusade to Understand (Part 2)

Just a small picture of the full painting (I pray life is like that)

When I lay my questions before God, I get no answer.

But rather a special sort of No answer.

It is not the locked door

It is more like a silent, certainty

not uncompassionate, gaze.

As though He shook His Head not in refusal

but in waiving the question.

Like,

"Peace, child: you don't understand."

-C.S. Lewis

Listening to the sermon at my church yesterday,

Dr Watson expressed that sadness comes from trying to

understand life on our terms and not God's.

As I mentioned before, sometimes our greatest hope

is that we don't understand. With my sadness,
 At times I feel the futility of life and the
apparent finality of Death. It can simply be overwhelming.

A small comfort comes to me in that my understanding is limited.

Perhaps I stand too close?

Gaye and I had planned two trips to Rome but
Cancer would not release it's grip.

She was extremely excited to show me the Sistine Chapel.

Gaye had been twice before but never with a lover.
She simply wanted to hold my hand as we gazed up
at Michelangelo's painting.
(Ohh, the simple things in life I dearly miss)

To fully view the magnificent painting of

"The Creation of Adam" in the Sistine Chapel,

one must step far back at a great distance to

capture the full majestic beauty of this genius

Perhaps, in relation to life

I need to take a step back.
Hopefully, I am only looking at the

two fingertips touching and not the full canvas?

A very small piece of the whole picture that God has created.

Having no alternative...My greatest hope is that I don't understand.