The Good Things.......

One of the good things... engagement night in Prague

People in mourning have to come to grips with death

before they can live again. Mourning can go on for years

and years. It doesn't end after one or two years;

that's a false fantasy. It usually ends when people

realize that they can live again,

that they can concentrate their energies

on their lives as a whole,

and not on their hurt, and guilt and pain.

-Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

The question before me, 

how can I incorporate my grief and loss,

so that it does not continue to dominate my life?
How can I get to that stage in my life

that it is no longer the first thing I think

of when I wake up in the morning,

or the last thing I relinquish before I sleep?

I heard a story where a child said to his mother,

in regard to the outpouring of kindness after his

father's death,

"There are so many good things,
There's just one bad thing."

There were an infinite amount of  good things

between Gaye and I.

 I was so blessed.

That "One Bad thing" will always be there,

but I pray everyday that it begins to take its

place among the infinitesimal good things so I can

appreciate and cherish the life I am experiencing.

I am doing my best baby.......

P.S.

I heard a widower the other day

say on his birthday about the prospect of getting old and

being alone.

"Just one day closer to seeing Mable"

-Referring to his late wife-

God, I love that.....

The Sunday Sermon

You do not have to sit outside in the dark,

if, however, you want to look at the stars,

you will find that darkenss is required

The stars neither require it nor demand it.

- Annie Dillard

My take away from the sermon today -

 Life can be a beautiful experience

Don't be afraid to step into the unknown.
The Whole World is outside
See it,
Feel it,
Experience it.
Take a chance.......

( I know who wants me to)

Ramblings during a Meltdown....

Gaye in Vienna

Real grief is not healed by time... If time does anything,

it deepens my grief.  The longer I live, the more fully

I become aware of who she was for me, and the more

intimately I experience what her love meant for me.

Real, deep love is, as you know, very unobtrusive,

seemingly easy and obvious, and so present that we

take it for granted. Therefore, it is often only

in retrospect - or - better, in memory -

that we fully realize its power and depth.

Yes, indeed, LOVE often makes

itself visible in PAIN.

- Henri Nouman

As I write this, I am feeling the deep depths of despair and sadness.

Twenty-two plus months without.

Gaye's absence has magnified the Love and Life we had.
-Loss-

That word takes on a whole new meaning these days

New insights have awakened,

New appreciations have developed,

New yearnings have materialized,

All within me

in this less Gaye world (LGW)
Gaye's death has forced me to grow;
God, I wish that she could
see my growth that
has resulted from her death

 As the writer describes it,

"Yes, indeed LOVE often makes itself visible in PAIN" 

A bittersweet education that I can't share

with my best friend.
That is what destroys me to no end.

I can't share and experience it with Gaye.

God, I hate Grief.....

I will never understand why Gaye had to die and I had to live.

There is no reason for it, I guess.

Death is just Death,

no one understands it.

Once upon a time,

I was put on this earth to find and fall in love with Gaye.

The fairy tale came true.

How Privileged and Blessed was I .....

I still pray for the Happily ever after

You better be putting Gaye to good use up there.....