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Gaye and I in Central Park, NYC

Gaye kept a journal over the course of the last two years

of her life which has been such a source of

inspiration and strength for me.

Quite frankly, I hate reading it because

my heart just hurts too much to absorb her words,

see her writing and feel her pain.

One of her last entries was a time when she just returned from

 a lengthy stay at Emory                                           

                                                     

Good Day:
Home!

I love being home.

It's hard; I'm scared - a lot ahead of me; long road.

But I'm going to take each step w/ God's grace and

family's love.

Thank You God - for the love of my family. Thank you!

She goes on to say writing in the middle of the night...

Good night - a little stiff + back pain. Tough to find a

(good) position, but Deacon and Tripp were great.

Got to rub T's Back and pet Deacon

and watch my boys sleep.

So glad to be home.....

After 23+ months living in this LGW (Less Gaye World)
I have come to the conclusion that I should no longer ask GOD,

Why?

My new Question to GOD is,

What Now?

With my dreams shattered and my heart broken into a million pieces,
I know I must pick myself up,

I know I must move forward.

I know I can't go back...
I know I can't stay here...
I know I must go forward....
(If I say it enough, can it happen?)

"There may be some good things in the past that you wish you could go back to, but in the end you have to let those go."  Dr Ray Pritchard

But it is just so damn hard to let go...

Where in this lonely world
do we find the courage to go forward?

Perhaps I'll find the strength
in Gaye's own words:

It's hard; I'm scared - a lot ahead of me; long road.

But I'm going to take each step w/ God's grace.....

Thank you God - for the love of my Gaye - Thank you!

I pray with every fiber in my soul that
Gaye is finally HOME.

The thought greatly comforts me.