Tomorrow would have been our 5th wedding Anniversary. My happiest moment in this world was my Wedding Day, May 15th, 2004. Now, when I think of that most special day, it is easy to allow sadness and mourning take control for it is a reminder of what I have lost in my wife and best friend. I tell myself over and over "I cannot think that way!"

Make me to say, when all my griefs are gone,

"Happy the heart that sighed for such a one"

- Samuel Davis

Grief is so consuming, that it so hard to look ahead and foresee rejoicing - that I have been so blessed and privileged to share life with Gaye! I have been told, down the road, my gratitude for being in Gaye's life will far outstrip the terrible grief that permeates the whole landscape of my being. I am grateful, from the bottom of my heart, that my life has shared the life of Gaye. I must trust and have faith that someday my happiness as I remember our life together, will far outweigh the grief I feel now. Although I don't feel it and God knows I don't tell him, I am in one sense, the luckiest man alive, for I had the most Beautiful Wife and Loving partner.

Happy Anniversary Baby,

Deacon and I love you so Much!

Love Never Ends

I will miss seeing her face and hearing her voice and knowing she was always there close to me. She has crossed a river from me that I must wait to cross before I see her again.

When I see a river I will think of her

- Terry Kay

God, how I miss the common everyday companionship of Gaye - The face across the table, the presence in bed, the voice calling Deacon and my name. What a truckload of responsibility and potential for pain we take on when we love another human being: There are so many dangers - betrayal, indifference, misunderstanding, and ultimately, loss. Yet, all of us have no trouble opting for love. To more than balance those dangers, we feel the possibility of life made rich through sharing experiences with another - of physical and spiritual warmth and communion.

My love for Gaye helps me form the strength to deal with her human loss. The hope, the experiences and the love we shared allows me to believe in the possibility of hope and happiness again. And the intensity of grief mirrors the intensity of shared love.

Love... bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.

- 1 Corinthians 13:7-8

I find comfort acknowledging this separation that Gaye has indeed "crossed a river"

In my mind and dreams, I come to a river and relinquish Gaye's hand and watch her cross over. I struggle, I do not not want to let go, I hold on with every bit of my strength - I pour out my soul with tears and fear - I scream out to God to not allow her to leave me and let go of my hand, but I know I have no choice but to let go - Eventually I accept it and a sense of relief envelopes me. I have faith that she is safe. I trust God. With this faith, I believe I will cross the same river when my time comes and all my fears, doubts and sadness will lift.

When I see a river, I will think of my beloved wife, Gaye.